Place: Quiznos
Item: Philly Cheesesteak
Price: $3.99 for small size

No disrespect to the Rocky quintilogy, but the only good thing to ever come from Philadelphia is the cheesesteak. This landmark sub caused a city to be filled with brotherly love. Short of barbecue, nothing gets people as stirred up as, “Where do you get the best cheesesteak for lunch?”

We thought the answer might be Quiznos, with the sandwich chain advertising a new “Philly” that was the best outside of Philly. We went the distance with Quiznos version to see if it was a contender or pretender.

Tom: I have to say I entered this mission with apprehension because I didn't know how Quiznos, based in Denver, was going to cook a cheesesteak. From my sandwich maker, I watched and learned -- what not to do. First, she squeezed onto the roll a thick, white cheese substance out of a soft plastic packet that looked like what Soylent Green would come out of if it were a paste. Then she carefully weighed out 4 ounces (I asked) of a sliced meat and onion combo,

Imagine a Star Trek officer saying,“Computer, make me a cheesesteak,” then having the automated food replicator generate the sandwich. The meat is underwhelming, the bread overwhelming. The sauce could actually be extra-creamy mayo for all my taste buds could detect of the cheese content. I wish Quiznos had stuck to its Denver roots. How about the Rocky Mountain Oyster Club?

Tom: Whoa, I wouldn't go that far. I'd be happy eating this sandwich if it were called the Denver Steak and Cheese Sub. But call this thing a Philly Cheesesteak and you're likely to bring the City of Brotherly Love to fighting.

Chris: Good point. The “Philly” association and seeing this sandwich being made may have tainted this whole lunch and clouded my judgment. Call this duck a duck, and I'd order it again.

Rating: As a “Philly Cheesesteak,” 1 spork (out of 5). As a “Denver Steak and Cheese Sub,” 4 sporks.

E-mail The Lunch Guys:
tomandchris@thelunchguys.com

dunked it in what she called “mesquite sauce” and slopped it on the roll. More cheese from the tube, a sprinkle of what she called “Quizno” spice and the whole thing went onto the conveyor oven.

Unfortunately for me, it emerged and I had to eat it. Now I've had great things out of that oven, but this meat still tasted mesquite-less, the onions seemed like dried-up zombies barely back from the dead, and the cheese was as dull as Sylvester Stallone.

Chris: I've always enjoyed watching my Quiznos sandwich come together, but this time, I too was horror-struck. Everything Tom said was true. I've made the pilgrimage to Philadelphia and seen a true cheesesteak being made. They grill up the meat and onions to order, layer on two slices of American cheese and rock it like a baby into a crusty roll.