Place: Taco Bell
Item: Steak or Chicken Nachos BellGrande
Price: $2.99
Mathematically, this lunch shouldn’t be possible. The Lunch Guys super
computer (the Lunchtron 3000) had told us that Taco Bell had run out of permutations
for its seven core ingredients. But then, the recent commercial delivered
the happy news! The Bell number crunchers had discovered two more combinations,
creating the Steak Nachos BellGrande and the Chicken Nachos BellGrande. Are
these offerings big breakthroughs, or do they just not compute?
Chris: Let me warn you, gentle readers, that mine is a
negative review, and yet I enjoyed every bite of both BellGrande versions.
I can’t argue with crispy chips. gooey cheese product, poppy diced tomato,
sour cream dollops, crackly green onions, refried beans and softly seasoned
chicken chunks. Not quite as beautiful are the small steak-flavored protein
modules, yet they still go down easy. So what in the name of homogenized Tex-Mex
is the problem? One fork and one growling stomach. The outer rim of almost-toppings-less
chips may count as finger food, but the inner layers were as finger-friendly
as clam chowder. Luckily I always keep a plastic fork on me, otherwise I would
have returned to the office looking like I had thumb-wrestled a can of Cheese
Whiz. And the meat portion is so very light. It looked like barely enough
steak or
so…processed (well, OK, besides the old McNuggets).
And second, a soft tortilla can handle this goo, but chips can’t. I’m
astonished you liked this mess of Mexi-flavor. I’m going to file for
a dissolution of the business on the grounds that you are insane. Note: I
don’t even use the term "Mexican" to describe this food as
to not insult anyone.
Chris: Tom, if Chipotle is Macy’s, I’d say Taco
Bell is Target, and there’s plenty of room for all socioeconomic classes
in the lunch world. I still find comfort in the discount Mexican-ish food
at the Bell. Plus, when it comes to the chips, this cheese cloud does have
a crispy lining. Just give me more meat.
Tom: I’m not buying your argument or these cheap nachos.
Aside from the feeling that you’re eating the junkiest junk food this
side of deep-fried Twinkies on the last day of the county fair, this makes
a terrible lunch on texture alone, not to mention it’s one of the least
healthy lunches we’ve ever reviewed. Fortunately, no one besides you,
Chris, will finish them.
Rating: 2 sporks (out of 5)
Food facts: Nachos BellGrande with Steak, Calories: 770 (46%
from fat), Fat: 41g, Sat fat: 11g, Carbos: 78g, Protein: 21g, Sodium: 1230mg
E-mail The Lunch Guys:
tomandchris@thelunchguys.com
chicken to fill one $1.29 soft taco, let alone a three-dollar plate. And let
me tell you, Tom, it’s hard to fill up on airy tortilla chips when your
metabolism is burning fast enough to vaporize the entire Big Bell menu. It’s
a timeless contradiction -- less filling, but tastes great.
Tom: Chris, no one loves Taco Bell more than I do, but with
these nachos I’m starting to wonder if this landmark “Mexi”-chain
-- and you -- are starting to go south (of the border?). In this Chipotle
era, we’re demanding more from our Bells, and Chris, I saw these nachos
as soggy, cheap tortilla chips heaped with a dose of refried beans, reconstituted
meat, some sour cream, a smattering of green onions and a squirt of 7-11 nacho
cheese. It just doesn't cut it. I know what you’re going to say: “These
are essentially the very same ingredients in all the other Taco Bell items
that you normally so enjoy.” But there are a couple key differences.
First, neatly rolled up in a burrito I don’t have to view the complete
“plasticness” of each ingredient. Never has cheese looked so…orange
or chicken looked
